January 4, 2021
9:39 am arriba en la cabina
(upstairs/in the loft in the cabin)
Anxiety is the feeling I feel upon waking — like I must be rushing, rushing, rushing … there is a guilt for sleeping or having been in bed at all.
This idea that I must rush about to get things done comes from a place of believing I must do them at all, that people or places or things depend on me, that I am the one doing anything.
Rather, life flows through me.
Electricity flows through me and radiates power through the filter … the frequency … the wire through which I direct it to flow.
I think I am driving when I am being driven.
I think I am breathing when I am being breathed.
I think I am living when I am being lived.
It’s not that I don’t have roles to play. I do. And, my agency lies in the quality of electricity, or power, I allow to play those roles. When I am in a tight and constricted and anxious place of feeling, nothing can possibly get done unless I MAKE it happen, which is quite a different experience and effect than me allowing exactly what desires to happen to happen through me.
I am along for the ride for a reason.
I am not entirely sure of what that reason is, and, I trust that wherever I am being driven is part of the Driver’s Larger Plan, and that I can relax along the way.
Relaxation is key.
Relaxing opens the blood vessels, opens the channels, opens everything.
In the state of relaxation, energy and electricity flow freely and openly, without inhibition, and there is so much of it that there is nothing it cannot do.
When I am trying or stressing or feeling I must force everything in order to do anything, I cut off all I need to do everything.
For it is not me who does it; it is through me it flows.
The electricity is endless; it is all that is.
Energy can be neither created nor destroyed; I cannot run out of it. I can only cut it off. I do not need to generate it, really I cannot (generation is an illusion on some level if energy can be neither created nor destroyed) … but I can become more open for more of it to be able to flow through me as I would like. ... As it would like.
The more open I become, the more power I have ... As in, the more electricity can freely flow through me to light up the world.