Find It on the Inside
*** May this piece --- written a 1.75 years ago --- represent the transformation of my writings from being purely theoretical, esoteric, impersonal, and spiritual ... written in the second and third person ... to becoming raw and real and therapeutic and utterly personal and authentic ... written in the first person ... to a growing interweaving and integration of the personal with the Universal, the Earthy with the Cosmic, the absolutely me pieces that also make you. ***
January 4, 2021
12:13 am
A la cabina con La Mujer en la cama
(in the cabin with The Lady {my cat} in the bed)
Cody, Wyoming
This is it. Right now.
This is Life. And it is happening now.
It’s easy to feel there is somewhere where all conflicts are resolved, where all is finally well, and perfect, and completed, and acceptable … reached. Arrived at.
And that is true; there is somewhere like that.
It is inside of you; it is a feeling.
No matter how far you go in this life, there will be conflict. There will be challenge. There will be change. There will be discomfort.
That is what we signed up for here. It is the very nature of life as a human being.
Our assignment is not to make all that go away, but rather to realize perfection is right here within it.
So often, we miss all of it, waiting for what comes next or reminiscing on what was. The power of the present moment is that THIS. IS. IT.
This is what you will be remembering. This is what you have been waiting for. This, right now, is everything you have searched for and longed for in memories and fantasies; all of that is contained in this very moment.
Because what you are searching for in those memories and imagined futures is a release. The release, finally, of everything being alright. Of everything being peaceful. The RELIEF of realizing you have finally arrived, everything is finally finished, everything is finally perfect.
The real illusion is that it could ever be any other way.
The arrival is right now.
And now. And now. And now.
And the perfection is in the active present experience of exactly what is.
Perfection is not some outside standard; it is just allowing things to be exactly as they are.
We can read something like this over and over and over again and sort of understand it theoretically, but only the inner experience can confirm this as true.
Often we theoretically get something, but in practical experience we’re like ...
That’s not true at all, what are you talking about? Everything is anything but okay! So much is unfinished! So much needs to be done before I can arrive, relax, feel the relief and satisfaction of nothing needing to be worried about because all has been done, at last.
Yet we are here to remember our power, which no one can take away from us. That power is that whatever the outside experience is, we are fundamentally okay.
We are more than okay. We are perfect, peaceful, serene, untouchable in the perfect integrity of our being which goes on in its perfect quality of awareness no matter what it is aware of.
Don’t be fooled by the illusion the ego would have us think: Something is wrong within as long as something is “wrong” without; you cannot feel okay within as long as there is something on the outside to be upset about.
This is the trap! And what a trap it is, keeping us on this never-ending wheel of suffering. For there always will be something to find that could justify disturbance, or even demand it.
Have you ever had that feeling of perfect bliss, like, that kind of happiness that comes from nothing, and you’re not even sure where it came from? Suddenly you just feel peaceful, whole, alright, like you’re floating on a cloud in the midst of your own life.
Then — suddenly! — you snap back to, and you literally think to yourself, there’s something bad I was supposed to be upset about, and then you focus on that again and pretend that is the reason you feel bad rather than the activation of lack, guilt, shame, fear, regret, remorse, jealousy, anger, etc. etc. etc.
This is the reactionary level, the victim level. We think we are living in a hopeless prison where things are always going wrong, and we always have to react to the way things seem to be going on the outside. From here, the “right” thing to do is to feel very bad about these things because ... how else could you feel?
When we begin to wake up, we begin to discover that actually we have a power beyond any circumstance.
No one can take away the peace of right now.
This peace doesn’t come from anywhere; it’s not even added to or subtracted from by anything ... It just IS. And because of this, we can just BE it, any time.
We can BE any energy at any time — that IS our power.
As long as we are tossed about by whatever comes our way, believing we are the victims of those things, and that the bad feelings and thoughts and speech and action that come from them are out of our control, we are not living into our full empoweredness.
We have been given examples like Jesus, like Viktor Frankl, very very very extreme examples to show us — look, this (crucifixion, being put in a Nazi concentration camp) happened, and it STILL didn’t take my peace away.
We don’t need to have this dramatic of something happen to us to test it in our own lives. This is the only way any of us can believe beyond theory — we must test it and experience it to be true.
We test it in whatever circumstance, at any time … can I feel peaceful right now?
Little by little, the more we practice, the more we sense the possibility that the answer can always be yes. For, as Viktor Frankl demonstrated, no one can take away our own inner ability to be at peace.
It helps to strengthen our ability to connect with inner peace — the peace that is always there — in totally unchallenging, quiet, relaxing situations. Sitting alone meditating, contemplating the gentle beauty of a serene scene in Nature — this is where we gain our strength and our practice toward being able to activate peace anywhere, including in significant conflict.
Healing can, at least potentially, happen in any circumstance if safety and relaxation happen on the inside. We all have the latent ability to activate healing and to heal and be healed in any given situation. If we are able to activate an inner feeling of peace, calm, tranquility, and relaxation, as physiologically indicated by the activation of our parasympathetic nervous system, we can heal.
A true master can slow their heart rate and breathing to that of sleeping in even the most charged, violent, frightening, or intense of situations. These physiological measures are really just indicators or direct correlations/reflections of the peace and calm a person is able to activate, even in the face of a life threatening situation.
This takes clearing, and resolution of trauma, and practice. A lot of it.
When we learn to cultivate states of peace, and to reside from a peaceful place more and more, we begin to discern the perfection in everything.
How anything looks is only the direct result of where you are looking from.
Stop waiting for things to be perfect, or remembering when it now seems like they were. You are missing the most powerful place to put your lens: The Present.
And it is here, from a place of total peace and presence, that you see all is well, all is happening for the highest good, and in that way, everything is perfect.
Everything is perfect now because the energy and activation of perfection is eternally within you, regardless of space and time.
Make it contingent on the outside, and you will never find it.
Find it on the inside, and you will be able to recognize it in everything.